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Pit Bulls In The Parish

Pit Bulls In The Parish
 
My son was bullied when he was in first grade. The first clue was his proud declaration that he was a fast runner. “What makes you say that?” I asked.

“I can outrun this other kid who is always chasing me” he replied. The second clue was arriving home with his jacket torn. Turned out he spent most of his recess times running away from the class bully and succeeding … most of the time. The bully always wanted to fight and thought my son was an easy target.

School isn't the only place we encounter bullies in life. We find them in our families, workplaces, and even, believe it or not, our churches! After all, Christians are not perfect people and bullying is one of the ways that imperfection rears its ugly head.

I grew up in the Church and even now as I reflect on this subject the faces of those who bullied in the churches I attended as a child and pastored as an adult come flooding to mind. Things haven't changed. Some bullies use their wealth or community influence, others throw around the weight of their tenure, and still others use their position as a board member or teacher to push their agenda. And yes, there are even those who have no position, affluence, or power, but still bully through their personality, words, and behaviour.

Turning to the Scriptures we discover there were bullies in the Early Church. The Pharisees that Jesus dealt with were bullies who fought to maintain their evil control and subjugation of people. Some in the Galatian church bullied others by using the Law to force people into Judaistic submission. There were those in Corinth who claimed authority and sought control by demeaning Paul's person, apostleship, methods, and message. Paul writes 2 Corinthians 10-12 to defend himself and combat the bullies. John wrote about one and his abuse of authority: “I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us. So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us. Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church” (3 John 1:9-10 NIV).

Regardless of when and where it happens it still amounts to the same thing: bullying is any kind of intimidation designed to silence or hurt another. Intimidating behaviour, put downs, manipulation through guilt, threats to gain control, obsession with, and repeated abuse of, one's authority, power and control, and conversely, a lack of servant-hood and submission to authority. Bullies usually have their own agenda and their cause is the only cause.

In churches today, this can take the form of commandeering the microphone at church meetings, manipulating congregational votes, nonverbal expressions of contempt, dominating committees, the use of Scripture to oppress and silence others to name a few things. It may be those in leadership, or not.

What is the answer? Do we simply “turn the other cheek”? Do we allow bullying to happen because church people are supposed to be “nice” and we want to avoid conflict? What do we do with these pit bulls in the parish? Let me suggest three things:

 

  1. Learn to identify and name bullying when you see it. It's the silent, ineffective, bystander who empowers bullies to continue their destructive behaviour. Bullies feed off what appears to be the consent or complicity of bystanders. Jesus, Paul, and John all called attention to the bullies to expose them and identified their behaviour so it could be seen for what it was.
  2. Learn and cultivate respectful, assertive ways to disagree. Love … “is not rude … self-seeking … easily angered … does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13: 5, 6). Learning basic conflict resolution training — how to communicate your viewpoint, and listen openly to others — is also helpful.
  3. Churches must develop anti-bullying policies and procedures. Senior staff need to be open and accountable, and complaints must be investigated promptly and impartially. Doing nothing is functionally equivalent to condoning bullying behaviour. Finally, appropriate support must be given to targets, and perpetrators must be subjected to appropriate discipline. Visible action must be taken.

Because people will never be perfect this side of heaven I don't think we'll ever eliminate bullying. But like a dangerous dog, we can control it. By the way, we taught our son how to deal with his bully and the bullying stopped. He could spend recess without running his legs off, and we could finally send him to school with the confidence that his clothes would stay intact.

 

 

 

 


About the Author:   Steve Johnson


 
Steve Johnson