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Preventing Sexual Abuse in Children

Preventing Sexual Abuse in Children

By Rebecca Mitchell


 
November 2010

Sexual abuse in children is unthinkable but unfortunately a reality. There are simple steps parents can take to help prevent sexual abuse — although for many parents talking about matters involving sexuality, sex, and sexual abuse can be awkward and uncomfortable.

Children need proper information in order to be both aware and to make good decisions. Experts in the field strongly recommend that children participate in sexual health education programs, which are often provided within the school environment. This can be concerning for some families who are either uncomfortable with the topic of sexuality altogether or have concerns that their beliefs around sexuality are different than what may be taught in sexual health education programs. However, proper information around sexuality is one of the strongest prevention strategies when it comes to risk of sexual abuse. Information is power and must not be mistaken for promotion.

When my son was in fourth grade he learned about human bodies, private parts, and sex. The response from the crowd of children was one of disgust of course and the sexual health educator had such a great reply. She stated, “That's OK to say gross, that is nature's way of letting you know those things are not supposed to happen to you.” And there is born the beginning of talking to children about sexual abuse. Children need to know directly that it is not OK for an older child or adult to touch them in certain ways.

Prevention measures begin early and certain age appropriate topics are recommended. For children 18 months of age it is recommended that you teach your child the proper name for body parts. As uncomfortable as that might be, it is critical. When your child is between the ages of three to five years, they need to be taught about “private” body parts. And don't forget that the mouth is considered a private body part as well. Children of this age need to know under what circumstances and who might touch their private parts such as a doctor examination or a caregiver doing diapering activities.

Children need to be given straightforward and matter-of-fact answers about sex. Children aged five to eight should be discussing safety away from home as they may begin to do sleepovers or head off to overnight Bible camp. They need to know the difference between “good touch” and “bad touch” and should be encouraged to talk about scary or uncomfortable situations. Stressing personal safety is important with your eight to 12-year-olds as they are becoming more independent, perhaps walking to school or to a friend's house on their own.

As early adolescence and puberty is beginning to develop, discussions around sexual conduct and family rules need to happen. In the adolescent years continue to stress personal safety, talk about rape and date rape so children are aware as well of sexually transmitted diseases and unintended pregnancy. The facts do not change but family rules and values definitely vary. So along with the facts talk about your family values. Again, do not mistake information for promotion. Information is critical and with it our children are able to make better decisions and are better able to protect themselves through awareness.

The book of Proverbs speaks a great deal to parents and their role as parents. It emphasizes that parents are not meant to be adversaries but allies in life. This speaks to what many child and family therapists work toward, building strong parent-child relationships — ones filled with conversations, encouragement, and genuine enjoyment. When children experience this kind of a relationship they are more open to coming to a parent when something does not feel right. When a family has an atmosphere of openness and comfort about sexuality, children are more likely to ask questions and share. When this kind of a parent-child relationship exists parents are more attuned to their children and are likely more attuned when something is off. Observe and listen to your children, reflect back for them what might be going on in their emotional world rather than simply reacting to the outward behaviour.

In conclusion, it is important to know that steps can be taken to prevent sexual abuse of children and what those steps are. The formula involves the sharing of information and just as importantly the strengthening of the parent-child relationship.

Rebecca has supported children and families for 17 years, both within the Child and Youth Mental Health system as well as private practice.

Read further biblical perspective on this subject.

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About the Author:  Rebecca Mitchell, M.A., R.C.C., IMH cert.
 
Rebecca Mitchell