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Selfish or Selfless

Selfish or Selfless

By Robyn Roste

 
 
April 2010
 
For several years, I was all about summer camp.

The people I met at camp had a wide range of experience with God, Christianity, and with church. Sometimes the stories I heard would break my heart, other times they encouraged me. And sometimes I couldn't wait for the week to end.

When you're part of an eight week summer camp, you're on 24/7. You're excited, you're an example, and, by the seventh week, you're totally exhausted. Becoming wrapped up in a ministry you believe in is a great feeling. And being a small part of someone's faith, or introducing him or her to Christ, is an unbelievable experience I hope everyone has the chance to have.

The camp mentality is powerful. And I embraced it willingly and fully — giving myself until I had nothing left. The end of the summer always came too soon, and yet, mercifully.

Things continued in this way for several years. But one summer, the camp director gave a message during staff training that changed my summer, my ministry, and probably my life. He said something like:

“We want every person who comes here to have a great time. But more than that, we are here to show Christ to these kids. We build relationships with them and show them love — this should be as a direct response to the love Christ first showed us."

“You all have an incredible gift to show love to these kids, but how can you find the stamina to show Christ if you're not taking time to be fed by God? The kids will ask for every second of your time. I will warn you now: Be selfish with your personal time with God. If you are not fed, nourished, and encouraged, you will have nothing of substance to give to the kids who you meet."

“Sure, they'll still have a good time at camp, but we want them to go home changed; strong in their faith, with a personal and real relationship with God.”

It was the word, “selfish,” which really caught my attention. Until then, it seemed like a negative word — why would I want to be selfish?

My thoughts went to the meaning “selfish,” had in my life: not sharing; concerned chiefly for yourself to the exclusion of others; regarding your own well-being above others. No, I concluded. This is not a good thing. If I was to be constantly pulling away from camp to read the Bible and pray and spend time alone with God, and a kid needed help, it would be a negative thing to turn him or her away.

But the phrase continued to irk me. What was it that bothered me exactly?
At night, after the final lights out, I had developed the routine of reading my Bible by porch light. I had heard once that I should read until something struck me, then reflect on that. This is the way I was reading the night Psalm 62:5 struck me: “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him” (NIV).

Upon reflection, I realized if I learned to depend on God fully, He would sustain me. He would get me through the summer. He would give me the words to say to the kids. I began to suspect I was running on my own strength and, thus, risking ineffectiveness. Humbled, I asked God to show me how to both spend time doing my job, and find ways to rest in Him.

He showed me Matthew 14. The story of Jesus feeding 5,000 people found in Matthew 14:13-21 is an amazing and miraculous story, which I had loved for years. But what I found myself noticing is it all started by Jesus trying to spend time alone after learning of John the Baptist's death. A large crowd followed, and He had compassion on them and ministered to them. After the day, Jesus dismissed the crowd, sent the disciples away, and went up on a mountainside to pray. Alone. Jesus was intentional about spending time alone with God, but also compassionate and sensitive to other people's needs.

I learned there needed to be a balance. While it was important for me to be there when someone needed me, it was also important for me to find time to spend alone with God, because I needed Him. I spent the rest of the summer searching for the balance, which developed into a habit I try to practice to this day, years after summer camp. I am selfish about my personal time with God so I can be selfless towards those I meet.


About the author:  Robyn Roste



Robyn Roste