Resources

My husband is my dream come true. Even after 11 years of marriage and two beautiful children, our excitement about each other continues to grow.

Early in our marriage we learned that having a relationship with God separate from our spouse wasn’t enough; we also needed a relationship with God together. As we started reading the Bible and praying together, our marriage strengthened.

Several years into our marriage we were blessed with children. As they grew, we realized that their development was not progressing normally. When they were two and three years of age, our children were diagnosed with autism. Our initial relief of knowing there was an answer to their delayed development was short-lived when we discovered what autism is. We cried every day for a month and could barely function. Discovering the extensive therapy involved and the cost brought us to a new low. Accomplishing such an impossible task was unimaginable.

We had to hire a team of therapists and at one point there were 14 people in and out of our home, six days a week. My husband worked endless hours trying to pay for all the therapy. I was consumed with keeping up with the day-to-day needs of the kids’ programs and the frustration of a large staff. Over time, we lost most of our friends, could no longer pay our bills, and became too busy for our marriage. One day we looked up and saw our big mess.

The next few weeks were spent on our knees. We surrendered our marriage, finances, and our children’s future at the feet of Jesus. Instead of trying to control our own lives, the Lord would be in charge. He would be first.

Initially it was really hard to eliminate distractions, find a quiet spot, and be alone with the Lord. We were always good at reading our Bibles and praying, but taking time to be quiet before the Lord took discipline. Slowly, we began to hear the Lord’s voice. We heard Him whisper softly when we quieted ourselves before him. He taught us first about rest:

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you is light,” (Matthew 11:28-30 NLT).

As we learned to rest, we found peace in the midst of our busy lives. Putting God first and spending time with Him, we began to feel the depths of His love.

Changes were made as we learned to say “no” and set boundaries with our family and staff. Weekend therapy shifts were eliminated to give us some normal family time. Our marriage once again became a priority. We don’t often have money for dates, but we make sure the kids go to bed on time and then we spend the evenings together. A really big change for me has been letting go of my desire for a perfectly clean home, and letting go of the guilt. To help with our financial struggles, we’re working on budgeting strategies.

We’ve always had a good marriage but what is different now is that we both are getting our needs for identity, companionship, and comfort met in our quiet time with God. We still need to feel value, appreciation, and love from each other, but we’re not dependent on only each other in order to get those needs met. We try to focus on things that are good and look for ways to support and love one another. I’ve found that it’s a lot easier to lose my selfishness and be selfless when I don’t depend on people for my emotional needs.

Making more time for each other has made my husband and I appreciate each other’s differences and personalities. Our marriage has a new level of oneness. We are honouring when we speak to one another, quick to lay down pride and apologize, but more importantly, we’re eager to encourage and appreciate each other. Being valued by God has allowed us to value each other so much more.

Day–to–day life is still a struggle, we have good days and we have challenging days. But we’re building our lives on the sure foundation of Christ and we know that whatever the future holds for us and our children, His grace will be sufficient for our needs.

Author’s name withheld by request.